Reading Meme

What have you just read?

The Were-Wolf by Clemence Housman

What are you reading now?

Lauren Oliver’s Delirium and J. Sheridan Le Fanu’s Carmilla

Do you have any idea what you’ll read when you’re done with that?

Uglies by Scott Westerfeld

What’s the worst thing you were ever forced to read?

Persuasion by Jane Austen

What’s one book you always recommend to just about anyone?

The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson

Admit it, sadly the librarians at your library know you on a first name basis, don’t they?

Nope. I don’t go to the library very often because I hate having to give books back; once I start reading a book it’s mine.

Is there a book you absolutely love, but for some reason, people never think it sounds interesting, or maybe they read it and don’t like it at all?

Uh… I recommend the Skulduggery Pleasant series quite a lot and I don’t think people believe me when I say how great it is. I also really love Anne Bronte’sAgnes Grey and most people I know who’ve read it haven’t liked it at all but I think it’s a beautiful read.

Do you read books while you eat?

Sure. Usually when I’m snacking or having lunch, I won’t read if I’m sat having dinner with family or friends, and I certainly don’t read when I eat out with others because I think it’s rude.

While you bathe?

Hell no! I might get my book wet!

While you watch movies or tv?

Again it depends on whether or not I’m with company. If I’m on my own and I have to read something for uni I’ll put a tv programme or movie on that I know well for a bit of background noise while I read, but I don’t read when I’m watching something with someone else.

While you’re on the computer?

If I’m doing work, yes, or if I’m reading something online.

When you were little did other children tease you about your reading habits?

Nope. Or if they did I didn’t notice. -shrug-

What’s the last thing you stayed up half the night reading because it was so good you couldn’t put it down?

Dark Fire by C. J. Sansom

Have any books made you cry?

Yep! Malorie Blackman’s Noughts and Crosses and Markus Zusak’s The Book Thief are the first that spring to mind.

I’d like to recommend…

Mary Brown’s The Unlikely Ones is a wonderful read for those of you out there who adore really traditional fantasy like me. What’s wonderful about this story is that the fate of the world isn’t at risk. Now don’t get me wrong those stories are wonderful, but Brown manages to make you invest in a story where really it’s only the characters’ own happiness which is at stake.

So if you love witches, spells, talking animals, knights, fair maidens, dragons and quests this is most certainly the book for you.

Self-Esteem

This has been brewing for a while but I figured it's about time I wrote my thoughts out in front of me in the hope that I'll stop acting like a moron. Just as a warning this is going to be something of a ranty post, but if it makes you feel any better I'm ranting at me, not you.
     So one of the things I notice on a very regular basis is that I bring misery upon myself. Not on purpose, at least I don't think I do. Nobody wants to be miserable, I know I certainly don't, but somehow I still manage to make it happen. 
     I consider myself an optimist, when something goes wrong I say to myself: 'well at least [insert horrible incident here] hasn't happened' or something along those lines. I love to laugh, I love to smile, I have a wonderful family, amazing friends and I'm studying at one of the best universities in the UK. My love life, on the other hand, is non-existant. Yep. That's right. Just before Valentine's Day I'm writing a blog post about my lack of a boyfriend because I'm just that original.
     The reason I mention this now is because it occurred to me how ridiculous my situation is a couple of weeks ago while I was sat with a couple of my friends; they weren't close friends, but they were friends all the same. One of my friends and I were talking about a couple of guys across the room and I happened to mention how I thought one of them was pretty good looking and both my friends urged me to go and talk to him. 
     My response? Well obviously my response was to shrink back inside myself, nervously laugh and say: 'Psht. Don't be silly.' But I realised in that moment how simple it would have been, how so bloody simple it would have been, to just start talking to that guy, after all I talk to new people all the time, but immediately all I could think was: 'He'd just laugh. Why would he want to talk to you anyway? Yeah he's good looking but you look like a foot.' Just the same kind of inner monologue I have going on whenever I see anyone I find remotely attractive.
     The worst thing is I don't feel like I can really talk to anyone about it because I'm not a shy person. I love talking to new people and I love to crack jokes, I'll happily talk to pretty much anyone, but as soon as the idea of romance comes into the equation I become the most self-conscious person ever. My self-esteem when it comes to this kind of thing is cripplingly low and I hate that it is. I'm so sick and tired of letting this stupid little voice in my head tell me I'm hideous but I don't know how to get out of it. I try all the time to make me feel better about myself, but you can guarantee that on that one day I actually leave the house feeling great something will happen, or someone will say something that just reaffirms everything that little voice in my head thinks, and I just want to crawl back into bed.
     The weirdest thing is I don't think I even know why I'm like this. Whenever I do start growing close to someone I'll push them away and I don't know why; I love romance and I love the idea of love, but I'm also terrified of it. My appearance and my self-esteem are things I have been struggling with for years and I still struggle with now, so I just want you to know - yes you - that you're awesome. Just the way you are. Don't let anyone make you feel otherwise and, perhaps more importantly, don't let yourself feel that way either.
     I'm going to keep trying to feel less shitty about myself until I feel brilliant, because I refuse to let this ridiculous self-esteem get the better of me and I hope, if you find yourself struggling like this, that you keep trying too.
     I hope everything's great where you are!
     Toodles! J.

My To-Do List

• Take your time with your coursework and actually get it done long before it's due in. Not the night before, you're only going to make yourself sick.
• Finish and send off your MA applications. Don't leave them until the last minute like an idiot.
• Get your ears pierced again- you've been thinking about it long enough.
• Take more risks and make more mistakes. Make more of a fool of yourself (if that's even possible) and don't let yourself get scared out of anything.
• Fall in love. Deeply. Never regret it.
• Lose weight.
• Keep it off.
• Love your body. It's not perfect, but it's yours.
• Learn to play the acoustic guitar.
• Never miss a chance to let your family and friends know that you love them.
• Stop talking about all the novels you'd like to write and WRITE THEM. You could do it if you'd just put your mind to it.
• Start singing and acting again. You know you miss it.
• Read all those bloody books that have been gathering dust on your shelves for years. I know you have a lot of work, but you can afford a break once in a while to read something you enjoy.
• Find a part-time job somewhere. Anywhere. It's not fair on your Mum and Dad that you never have any spare money of your own to fall back on.
• Find another one in Lancaster when you return for your MA. You can get out and meet new people.
• Travel. Go to Northern Ireland and America and Mexico and Portugal and anywhere else that catches your eye.
• Say yes more.
• And say no when you need to.
• If you're still thinking about Thailand this time next year then go and do it. It will be amazing.
• Listen to advice.
• Ignore it when necessary. (Note: as you are still very young and stupid this will be most of the time)
• Always ask questions.
• Take more photos- you want memories to show your children.
• Smile. Life is good.

Choices, choices, choices

So this year my university have decided to offer its students an alternative choice to exams. Rather than taking an exam, we can approach the department with the idea for a mini dissertation and write 6,000 words of coursework on the module rather than an exam.
    Honestly, I'm sort of struggling to decide what to do. When I first heard it I thought 'psht, don't be ridiculous; you're good at exams' which, not trying to blow my own horn or anything, I am. I find it easy to work under that kind of pressure because I love the idea of just writing for three hours and then having everything over and done with. Coursework hangs over your head for weeks. On top of that, there's a very high chance the mini dissertation will be due in around the same time as my actual dissertation, so I'll have enough work to do next term anyway.
    I only have one exam this year anyway because all of my other modules are coursework based, so really I shouldn't be considering this new option at all. However, we've been doing some of the History plays in my Shakespeare module these past three weeks and I'm really enjoying them; particularly the way in which the politics and power shifts in them. There should be a question on that subject in the exam anyway, but if there isn't I'll kick myself if I know there's a chance I could have done a mini dissertation on just that and gotten a good mark for it.
    I dunno. Life's full of too many choices right now and I'm thinking ahead when I actually have two assignments to finish today/tomorrow. So, on that note, I'd better get back to Lacan and his psychoanalytical theories. Fun times.
    Toodles! J.

Just Your Average Student Panic

I'm having one of those horrible days where I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, or in which direction it's going. It's pretty damn terrifying, as I'm supposed to be graduating next year. Luckily for me I don't need to find a career right this second as I'm hoping to return to university for another year for postgraduate study; this is something I've wanted to do since first year, but I'm even starting to question that. Do I only want to do it because I don't know what job I want yet? And what if I still have no idea what to do after that year of postgraduate study is over?
     I have a dream job, of course, like everyone else. I'd love to be a published author, but unlike so many other talented people out there I have yet to find the time to sit down and actually write a novel. I have several ideas, but the sensible part of me has always made me prioritise my degree and I don't regret that decision. However I realise that there is never a 'good time' to write a novel, you just have to make yourself do it. Like so many other things in life, I think I'm just being rather cowardly.
     I'm not as depressed as I sound right now. I'm actually very happy; I'm loving my modules at university, I love my friends and I've found a wonderful place in the Lit Community on deviantART. It's just my future I'm worried about, and everything I still haven't done that I thought I would have done by now. I haven't fallen in love yet, I haven't visited so many places that I really want to visit yet and I haven't gotten anything published yet.
     I guess 'yet' is the most important word there. I don't want to inflict a downer on anyone who happens to be reading this, so I'm going to look on the bright side of this situation. I'm not as young as I was last year, but I'm still pretty damn young. I still intend to all those things I have yet to do, and I can't wait for when they happen; I just hope at least one of them happens soon. That'd be nice.
     I hope everything's going well where you are! 
     Toodles! J.

NaNoWriMo

Oh how I wish I could take part this year!
     Like every year since I learnt about the existence of NaNoWriMo I have far too much work to even think of taking part. This is a huge pain in the butt, as I have an idea for a novel that's been running around in my head for well over a year, but my degree has to come first. I have a ten thousand word dissertation to do for April, a three thousand word Shakespeare essay due in in a few weeks, a five thousand word Victorian essay to do over Christmas, another five thousand word Gothic essay next term and an eight thousand word Creative Writing portfolio due in in March.
     In other words, I have a lot of work.
     On the plus side it means I'm never without something to do, and I bet I'll miss this feeling at the end of the year when I have weeks and weeks of nothing before my graduation.
     Graduation. Now there's a scary word.
     Well I'm gonna get back to reading Treasure Island and calming my raging hormones with spoonfuls of Greek yogurt. Because this - this right here - is student living.
     Toodles! J.

Agnes Grey Review

There is no doubt about it, I adore this book.
     In my personal opinion Anne Brontë is so very underappreciated in the literary world because she is overshadowed by Emily and Charlotte. I cannot deny that both Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights are fine pieces of literature, but there is something so much more real in Anne's narrative that I love.
     She is honest about the world and the brutal way that it works without needing to add a gothic element to it. Yes, Agnes can sometimes appear a little too perfect compared to the other characters in the novel, but there is something so genuinely kind about her that it does not bother me in the slightest. I want to appreciate how sweet she is as a person because I fully believe that she deserves to be appreciated.
     One of the best things in the novel? Why Mr. Weston of course!
     I did not read the book purely for the male lead, but as a character and love interest he was perfectly charming. I have never quite been able to understand Heathcliff's popularity among women; realistically he is a frightening, controlling, violent man. As for Mr. Rochester, while he leaves me feeling a little more sympathetic, I am not sure I would be able to trust a man who had kept his wife locked in an attic.
     Mr. Weston is perfectly normal and just plain nice. That, ladies, is what I find attractive in a man. Niceness. While Heathcliff spends his years abusing everyone within his vicinity, Mr. Weston spends his time helping old ladies find their cats. All while keeping his masculinity intact.
     All in all I simply found this novel a pleasure to read. It was calming and sweet and beautiful.
     I am most definitely an Anne Brontë fangirl.